Families

17:42

Families you can't live with them, but you can't live without them. 
Now I'm very family orientated and I couldn't imagine never seeing my family again, but there comes a time when you need some space. 

I've struggled with my family ever since I can remember. I love them and I know they mean well, but sometimes enough is enough. 
I've always felt like they have this idea of who and what they think and want me to be. I've gone along with it most of my life because it's easier. That's not to say I've not made my own choices it just means in some circumstances I just agree with them. 
I felt if I didn't I was letting them down and that they would love me less. I've always struggled with this notion of wanting to please people and to be loved. Which is why I guess I just wanted to make them happy. I  guess I just wanted the easy life so they had no excuse to be mad or to leave. I've not had a bad life or anything and I have been truly blessed, but sometimes I wonder and find myself questioning some of the decisions I've made. 
Wondering whether I actually did them because I wanted to or whether I just did it to please them. 

One of these things is. None of my family went to university and I was brought up to get good grades and then I would go to university and that always stuck. Now I didn't get good grades but after some hard work I did get into university. I didn't really enjoy it, but I stuck at it as I didn't want to be seen as a quitter.
Now I don't regret anything I've done for a second as I wouldn't be who I am today. Life is filled with ups and downs and they only make you stronger. I feel I grown a lot as a person. 

Since moving out and living with Ian I find it easier to be myself I don't feel like I'm being judged by my family and even if I am it's not like they can tell me what to do. I even feel more comfortable in my own skin as I've never really done in my family. I find myself being more positive and doing things for me. I feel I've finally found what makes me happy. 

Although saying this when seeing my family I find myself reverting back they treat me like I'm still 10 and suddenly that's how I feel. 
I don't know any circumstances where it's okay for you to treat another person like that so why they feel they can me I don't know. It's in these moments I find myself wanting space and to be free of them. Not forever, but just a sort while. I'd do anything for my family it's just sometimes they cross a line. Even when I try to make it clear they just ignore it like I know nothing. 
I've gotten stronger over the years and I feel like they are starting to see, but at times its just to much to deal with and I'd rather have some space. 

Do any of you have times like this or is it really just me? 




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